Tag Archives: sarcasm

Top 10 Marketing Tips from Internet Gurus

pound-sign

It constantly amuses me that all internet marketing gurus are so very very rich, yet they find nothing better to do with their time than to sell us how they did it.

Haven’t you got a yacht to ride, a beach to sip cocktails at or blackjack tables that needs your attention?

Here’s what I’ve picked up from surfing too many websites, all the ever-so-wise tips they give you, condensed in one handy list:

  1. Visit my website. Then buy all my products/workshops/stuff (so I make money)
  2. Read my Blog, which links to my website – where you can buy all my products/workshops/stuff (so I make money)
  3. Be my friend on Twitter/Facebook/Myspace, where I’ll shamelessly plug all my products/workshops/stuff you should buy (so I make money)
  4. Sign up to my Newsletter, where I’ll shamelessly plug all my products/workshops/stuff you should buy (so I make money)
  5. Sign up YOUR FRIENDS to my newsletter too. Not only will I spam them senseless, I’ll also sell their email addresses (and make money)
  6. Buy somebody else’s product I’m promoting, which I’ve got NOTHING to do with or care about  (but when you buy it, I get money)
  7. Click on every annoying and disruptive advert on my site (so I get money)
  8. Tell people about my site, so YOU can make money (although I’ll make MORE money)
  9. Use this discount voucher for (insert product here). Note: you have to spend over £200 to use it (in which case, I’ll get money)
  10. Ah hell JUST GIVE ME MONEY

Recycled: ÜGEHOLM returns!

Every now and again, I feel the need to connect with my mother language and say things I can only say in German (usually in a very dark and sarcastic, yet very perosnal manner). It’s fun to read though, and a completely different writing personality from what I would write in English. Hence I’ve built a new outlet for this personality, a site called GESELLSCHAFTSKRITIK (translates into “Social Cristsicm”). Continue reading Recycled: ÜGEHOLM returns!